Pinch my nipples!

So it seems that I’m going to be staying here. No quitting today. I’m probably going to be here for another 2 months atleast. They are kicking me out of my office and I can’t quit. Damn them!

When my boss comes over to tell me himself that he wants me evacuating the office I should start screaming:

“PINCH MY NIPPLES! Pinch my nipples! Quick! Pinch my nipples!”

He’ll then probably freak out and ask me why I’m saying that. And the answer will be:

“BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED
WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED!!”*

Seriously, here, I get screwed over and over more than a blind, peg-legged, 1 rupee whore in a Bombayan brothel.

___________________________

Speaking of nipples, where did all you boobs go? A simple web address change and you all disappear. Wow, you’d all suck at a scavenger hunt – can’t even follow a link, trying to follow clues would probably make your brains explode.

I’ll make it easy for you today, JUST – CLICK – THE – BLUE – WORDS. OKAY?

YOU UNDERSTAND? CLICK. OKAY?

 

Who’s a good boy? Who? Who? YOU ARE! Good boy!

 

 

 

 

The things kids say

I like boobies – For Chirp (I may have posted this before), which reminds me: Chirp if you ever go to Slider Station take a look at the diagram of the engine drawn on the wall and look at the last word on the bottom. I put it there just for you!

Audiko – Want a specific section of a song for your ringtone? For those of you that are tekmologically incapable, Audiko is for you.

 

Barrack Obama is Your New Bicycle

 

TIMMY!

Restroom Poetry -Read this one

Stuff White People Like – Lol , So true!

 

I will now end this post with the coolest mini-retarded video:

 

 

Happy Freedom!

Happy liberation day to all of you! It’s 12: 14 AM, and thanks to B. for helping me feel great!

Enjoy this traffic-filled holiday yáll! Atleast you aren’t at work!

WTFWJD?

Ahhhh….. there’s nothing like cutting short my beauty sleep to get to work at 7.30 in the morning and have people try to fuck me over.

Trying to fuck me over:

All of you that have been following my random adventure since the beginning (Original TCOR) know how I didn’t have my own desk until 8 months into this shitfest that passes for a job. So, anyway, my unithead calls me in this morning and tell me that our boss wants me to leave the office I’m in, because they’re hiring somebody else who’s going to sit there. And then he shows me the email he (not me) got from our boss . Ummm… yeah…..lovely.

I’m surprisingly zen about it. I guess I’m completely used to the shit that they pull around here that it doesn’t faze me anymore. I just said “Ahhhh….ok….we’ll see what happens…. thanks for letting me know”.

Now, I’m contemplating my next move. I don’t want to be rash and mess things up like the Rafeeq incident (incident & result). I’m consulting others on how to approach this delicate situation before I taking action. Advise me readers! Advise me!

And oh yeah, remember all the confirmation shit I went through, I thought it was over. Well, it seems I was wrong. I just found out that I’m still registered as a trainee here, my boss apparently didn’t bother with the paperwork. How messed up is that?

This place rivals ‘2girls1cup‘*. It’s shitty, messed up, and just plain wrong.

 

*The link attached is just a wiki article explaining the video, not the actual video (which I was duped into seeing yesterday).

 

________________________

 

 

Now, lets watch a cute dog lick your screen clean

Its quite possible I put this up before: Bunny suicides

 

 

I’m not in the mood to put up more links for you. I have some decision making to do. The grave insult of evicting me from my office may be grounds for my resignation….. Is this it? Could this be the end of my run here, finally? Tune in tommorow – Same Bat-time! Same Bat-Channel!

*Dananannannanananananananaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

 

Meow

I’ve always had little sound effects that come out of me unexpectedly. For a while it was the yoshi yell “awawawawa”. Then it became “3abut”. Now, I meow. It’s becoming a problem because people find it strange that I meow when I fall down. The other day I meowed at a waitress to get her attention for the cheque. I don’t mean to do it. It just happens. Its my way of saying ‘Oi’ or ‘Ow’. I really have to change it. It’s not that big a deal when nobody knows what you’re saying. But meowing is pretty recognizable.

Anyway, meowing is the least of my problems. My job still sucks balls. And to make it worse HR is screwing me over in terms of my leave and I can’t say anything about it in fear of retribution. I’m seriously contemplating quitting, even if it means sitting at home. I thought that I could push through another year of this shit, but I’m reconsidering that now. Should I really suffer through this kind of crap just so I can put it on some stupid MBA application? An MBA I’m not even sure I want…

I need some clarity. Fooled by my optimism I thought that, with time, clarity would come on its on. I was told (by an adamant fan of ‘The Secret’) that, if I was positive and patient, the universe would bring me everything I want. Shrouded by desperation I felt the need to believe. So I did, reluctantly, for a while.

But as a hopeless realist, ‘belief’ and ‘faith’ doesn’t come easily to me. In a world where millions kill in the name of ‘faith’, my realism protects me from the wolves dressed in Sheppard’s clothes who herd desperate sheep to slaughter. Usually, my realism reflects my bravery. I’m brave enough to believe in ideas that are unconventional, even blasphemous. But the things I trust in make sense. They don’t require ignorance of fact.

But my realism that pushes me to reject believing in the goodness of the universe comes from fear. I’m afraid that I’m just wasting my time. I’m afraid that its not going to work. I’m afraid that I’m being stupid. If you believe in something that might be untrue because you need to does that make you stupid? Brave? Or just desperate?

_____________________

Enough with the deep philosophical questions and on with the links!

 

Tortoise cares for baby hippo

 

Featherless chicken?

 

 

Monkey Fluids : A comic- kind of

 

 

Anti-Rape Device

 

Household Gadgets 

 

This is soooooooo my next x-mas desktop wallpaper!

 

 

 

Don’t Seperate! Emulate!

Again, based on Chirp’s blog:

Like Chirp said, attraction to the opposite sex is natural. Even more than natural, it is a biological imperative just like the need to eat.

If somebody is given little snacks throughout the day, there’s blood sugar remains stable and they don’t feel an overwhelming urge to crash a buffet line.

On the other hand, when somebody is hungry (here they are more like starving)…. what happens? Somebody who is starving starts to literally go insane. They start to do things that are not so good just to try to survive. Like cannibalism.

Once hungry/starving people are exposed to food they gulp it down with a vengeance. Firstly, so that they can try to fulfill their basic human need. Secondly, because they’re worried that there wont be any food tomorrow.

Now, the Kuwaiti government has decided that instead of allowing boys and girls to get a small fill of each other (talking and socializing) that they are going to completely separate everybody. Wow, retards… really.

Now, this guy thinks that there is no such thing as a ‘small fill’ if you put guys and girls together. He says that its going to escalate to AIDs, abortions, orgies, and porn movies. Let’s forget about the fact that there are actually some people who can control their sexual urges, the fact still remains that there are actually supposed to be responsible teachers and faculty around to prevent the orgies. Its not like you just lock the boys and the girls in 2 X 2 boxes, leave them there and call it a co-ed school.

__________

Up until recently, almost all private schools have been co-ed. And consistently, students from these schools have academically outperformed public school kids. The proof: In the past, in order to get government scholarships for college all applications had to take a standardized test. The applicants with the highest scores got the scholarships. Almost all of the scholarships went to the private school kids. Of course, parents of gov. school kids got pissed and said that it wasn’t fair. They said it’s the government’s fault that they’re kids didn’t score well on the tests – after all they got a government education. The government’s solution was to eliminate the standardized test and award a predefined number of scholarships to gov. kids that is separate from those of the private school kids. And so today, scholarships no longer go the most qualified children in the country.

The government could’ve emulated the (more effective) private school system and improve the education of Kuwait’s general population (= better Kuwait’s future). Instead they choose to leave the ineffective educational system and separate the scholarships.

As you can see, the government has long considered separation to be a viable solution for its problems.

Just like the African-American population didn’t accept the ridiculous ‘solution’ of “Separate, but equal”, NEITHER SHOULD WE.

With that comes my anti-segregation motto:

“Don’t separate! EMULATE*!”

*Emulate means ‘to strive to equal; or excel’. Emulation has long been known to be an effective tool for improvement. When you see a problem within yourself and you need to do something about it but don’t know what: You see how others have solved it and you do something similar. Emulation is different from imitation. With emulation you try to raise yourself to a higher standard, excel. With imitation you just copy regardless of if it’s an improvement. So doing the same thing that Saudi Arabia does is an imitation that only retards us. Really, I mean if there’s a country with people that are hornier and more sexually dysfunctional than Kuwait it’s got to be Saudi Arabia. Really. Really.

Common Sense, dead? Never!!!!

So I’m checking Chirp’s blog and there is this email forward she got:

Obituary
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

I don’t agree with most of that forward.

Six-year old charged with sexual harassment: He wasn’t charged legally, he was suspended from school. They probably should have given him detention, not suspension. but so what? His parents should have taught him what was appropriate touching and what wasn’t. I doubt anything would have happened to him if it didn’t bother the kid that was kissed (that’s what defines sexual harrassment- its unwanted). So its okay to suspended a kid for hitting another kid and making them cry but not okay to suspend them for kissing a kid and making them cry?Suspension so he’ll learn his lesson sounds pretty fair to me… Sounds like common sense to me. Protect the children = common sense.
I dunno about the mouthwash thing. But I’m guessing that it contained alcohol – usually not tolerated at schools. The teens should have known better. If I was caught with half empty bottle of ‘cologneyat jackson’ and said I was just perfuming up after gym, I think its plausible that they’d assume I was getting trashed on it.

Teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. You mean the teacher that ductaped a chatty girl’s mouth? I doubt the teacher just said “Your being very disruptive. Please be quite”. We send our kids to school to be educated not ‘disciplined’. Its a parents job to discipline children, not teachers- even if the parents don’t, teachers still shouldn’t. If parents want teachers to have that power they should sign a waiver at the beginning of every school year. Teachers teaching and parents parenting = common sense

Parental consent to administer chemicals that could have potential side effects makes sense to me. Alot of people are allergic to Asprin – my brother is. Aspirin can also cause a serious and sometimes fatal condition called Reye’s syndrome in children. Also, all SPFs are essentially chemicals. And alot of people have latex allergies that can be triggered by plasters. I think I should have the right to decide what drugs and chemicals are put into my children – they are my spawn. Making medical decisions for your children makes sense to me. As long as your decision doesn’t endanger your child’s health that is.

As for not telling parents if their children are pregnant – Now here is where you need to use real common sense. Let’s say Jassim (AKA daddy) is told that his 13 year old daughter Sabeecha is pregnant. What does common sense tell you will happen? Let’s take a second to think…. hmmmmmm……. Just a wild guess: he’s going to beat her within a millimeter of her life. And then eat the fetus alive (yummy!). Don’t believe me? Ask your brother/father/guyfriend what he would do. It might not result in murder or cannibalism but I guarantee its going to involve violence. If the girl isn’t beaten, then the baby daddy who knocked her up is going to get knocked out. Its common sense.

“Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband”

This line is just plain insulting. It infers that sense and decency come from relegion. I don’t need some etchings from Moses to know what’s good and sensible. Common sense, as its name reveals, is common- most everybody has it. Jew or otherwise. Just because I don’t want some religious script thrown in my face every which way I go doesn’t mean I’ve no common sense.

And what do you mean “as churches became businesses”? They’ve always been businesses. Even worse, they’ve always been centers of political agendas. The true base of spirituality is not a church, it is the heart. (Wow, that’s some deep Hallmark shit I just came up with – Lifetime Channel here I come!)

The burglar thing: Anbody can file a civil suit against you for anything in the US. The ridiculous suits – like the burglar one – end up getting dropped. Its good that they don’t limit the complaints of the people (burglars are people too!). If they did then the judicial system and precedents would never progress. The fact that people can make legal cases that are not mainstream is one of the reasons why the US has one of the most developed and continually progressing legal systems in the world. You make a case, if its stupid it’ll get dropped. If you have a case it can ago all the way up to the supreme court and possibly change the law. Awesome!

Hot coffee: You could look at it as the woman ‘failed to realized that a cup of coffee was hot’ and was awarded a huge settlement. I look at it as a woman spilled hot coffee on herself and noticed that there was a deficiency in beverage labeling laws. As a result of her discovery and her pursuit to improve labeling laws, she was awarded a large sum of money. If I ever meet that woman I wouldn’t go “Stupid bitch with no common sense!” I’d say “You go girl! All this time, nobody has had enough sense to make beverage companies warn us that their products could be dangerously hot, and you made money offa it! Lucky bitch!” Coffee’s hot? That’s hot!

And what’s wrong with knowing my rights? You want to strip me of them? And sometimes, I am a victim, but I’m a victim who wants to become a survivor. And without laws and right set to protect me I’m always going to be just a victim.

And so: I’m not going to attend Common Sense’s funeral because he’s not dead. I’m afraid you’ve misidentified the corpse. A time when sexual harassment was fine, when you couldn’t speak up for fear of being ridiculed for having no sense: That’s Retardation. Common Sense and Retardation aren’t even related.

Rejoice! Common Sense isn’t dead, he’s alive and well. He’s just had a facelift and some lipo that’s why you may have had some trouble recognizing him. See, just like everything else in this world Common Sense has progressed with the times, you should too.

All the weird kids know

I have 15 minutes to type up an entertaining post for you. There’s a meeting that just started- thank God I wasn’t invited. Now I have some time to kill until the end of the work day unfortunately they just blocked Facebook here- evil bastards. Or are they? According to this maybe they’re trying to save me….

Oh well, there are a ton of other things to keep me occupied on the internet. For example, I just found a website who’s aim is much like mine. Take a look at Absolute Random. Man, talk about zero tolerance…. Poor guy.

_________________

Need some new music? Listen. If you liked that, here’s some more.

________________

The little bong that could

Flavored bong water? (Slightly NSFW)

I don’t know why so many links I find are drug related…. Is it possible I have unresolved drug issues? I wish I did so I could go here.

______________

How to survive a day at the office

Unusual uses for ordinary things

 ——————————

Okay, times up….

 

 

Would you like me to lick your balls with that?

Aaaaaaghhhh!!! I’ve been back at work for less than a week and already I’m going to start killing people.

Ahem, okay, deep breath *deep breath*, first of all welcome to the first post of my new blog. Now, my rant:

I haven’t had time to post these past few days because I’ve been busy with retarded shit at work. So my boss (just to clarify I have a unit head then, above him, a boss) has a meeting to attend. And he needs a powerpoint, which me and my unit head are to create. Ofcourse that means I am going to be making it because my unit head is not the most computer saavy person on Earth. Whatever, fine. I spend most of the day creating the presentation and integrating shit from various places. And my unit head comes and suggests some irrelevant changes like “make the logo a centimeter smaller”. Again, thats fine.

Time passes, I’m still working on this presentation, and my unit head starts getting annoying. He stands right behind me, the whole time, just standing. Waiting. It’s so annoying and actually distracting. So I tell him “You can wait in your office if you want, I’ll email it to you when I’m done”. I say it nicely, but still I convey the message: leave me.

But he doesn’t leave, he just says “Yeah, its just that the boss is coming soon and I know he’s going to want it the minute he comes in”.

And then whats worse is that he starts giving me tips on how to do things. He can’t even friggin’ change slide design and he’s telling me ways to go about PowerPoint. I don’t say anything to him because I know he’s just nervous. My unit head is nice and gentle but he is a coward when it comes to dealing with our boss.

Anyway, I get the presentation done. And its really nice. I created a nice simple slide design, it had our logo, I used our 2 corporate colors. It was everything a powerpoint should be: Nice, clean, simple, and consistent. Consistent except for the part where they made me add some slides that our boss created. They were really bad. They were made of all different colors. What was worse than the colors was sudden inexplicable font size changes. It was like I was having a bad acid trip: Crazy colors, things changing sizes. It was really really bad. Anyway, I’m told to add them as they are. So I do.

Now, our boss is a slithery little fellow. He knows that he can’t just say anything to me and get away with it (like he can to our mouse-like unit head). So he gets other people to do his dirty work. My boss tells my unit head to tell me that “the presentation is really ugly. Let *name here* print out a copy of the presentation that she made and a copy my presentation and compare them and learn what her mistakes are”.

Really? Really? Okay, lets take a looksy then. I was expecting that I’d be walking through the looking glass back into crazyland. But I should know better than to think our boss would actually take the time to change a whole presentation. It was the exact same presentation, all he did was make some fonts a little bigger. I wish he’d made them all bigger. But some were bigger. Some were ALOT bigger. And he didn’t even bother to change the font color to match the presentation. He just basically left some randomly sized black text on every other slide.

I’ve learned that I can’t take anything my boss says seriously. But I was none the less slightly offended. I mean even if you are going to call my work ugly atleast make some significant changes before calling it your beautiful presentation.

Whatever, I got over it. There is no pleasing that man anyway. One day he likes red the next flourescent yellow with a hint of blueberry crush covered in doo-doo. I take it one day at a time, as long as he knows that he can’t say shit to me, let him be schtizo. My unit head gets all the verbal lashing – because he takes it. Unlike him, if the boss says’ jump’, I say ‘you first motherfucker’.

So that was yesterday. As for today…

This fine establishment had decided to give its employees hyperthermia. The retards have turned on the heating so high that I feel the urge to twirl around on the spot and call myself a shawerma.

Anyway….

My unit head tells me that he’s going to be emailing me a couple of documents pertaining to the projects we were talking about yesterday and that I should read them and in the process print out 4 copies (on for each member of the unit) to use in our meeting.

I don’t mind doing that, I’m not exactly going out of my way, I need to read them anyway. But when I actually get the email. There are 14 documents attached. A bunch of which I’d written (therefore I don’t have to read them). And some of them were long.

What the fuck? Are you serious? Do I look like your flipping secretary? You can’t just email me hundreds of pages and ask me to print them out and staple them so you can distribute them to people. And that’s what I told him – but nicely. He said that he only asked me to do it because he was busy and that he does similar things alot and that each person needs a hard copy at the meeting. So I told him, if each person needs a hard copy, you email them the files and say print out a copy for the meeting. You don’t tell me to print out copies and give them to people. And then I turned around and left.

Sheesh. Print them out and distribute them. Would you like me to lick your balls with that? Because that’s what a bitch does. And I refuse to be the bitch of the unit! I’m nobody’s bitch! NOBODY’S!!!!!!!

Anyway, I know that the poor guy meant nothing by it. And I decided to print out the documents and when he came in and asked me if I did the other work I was supposed to do (which is actually meaningful) I said “No. I’ve been printing the things you told me to print!”. Grrrrrr…..

And that’s when he apologized.

And so I got what I wanted in the end: He now knows that I’m not the bitch. And I got to print some papers, sit here, eat my honey, surf the net, and blog. I’ll get to stapling the papers on Sunday. I’ve gotta milk this cow for all its worth you know.

Until Stapling Sunday!